in the middle...half way between light and dark

solemnsquall @ 2003-10-16T21:41:00

2003-10-17T02:41:42Z

make a list of 5 songs you love that you would love to see live...doesn't matter what they are or who they are by just a list of 5 (and put your list as a comment to this)

cause kevin did it...

2003-09-29T01:42:42Z

Your meme, should you choose to accept it, is to rank the following bands in order, from "couldn't live without" to "couldn't care less". To add value to this process, you must also add one band to the list, and remove one band from the list, before passing the meme on (including these instructions).

The Beatles
Metallica (<-ADDED)
Aerosmith
The Who
The Rolling Stones
Queen
U2
R.E.M.
Smashing Pumpkins
The Doors
Paul Simon
!!REMOVED!!Radiohead!!REMOVED!!

solemnsquall @ 2003-05-08T22:44:00

2003-05-09T03:46:09Z

so i got a new lj, hero0ftheday. please be so kind as to add me (especially if i added you which i did to almost all). if i didn't add you, let me know and i will...but seriously people if you don't add me in a week i will give you a nice reminder that i am here and i care...if you choose to ignore that or be lazy i will do the same.

solemnsquall @ 2003-05-07T15:02:00

2003-05-07T20:02:29Z

like the changing seasons
the ebb of the tide
rain on the mountain
everything has changed
you are someone else
i am still right here....

over.

st. anger

2003-05-07T04:47:33Z

i will continue to write until i get a code or a new lj which hopefully won't be long...(cough I HAVE GIVEN SOME OF YOU CODES IT WOULD BE NICE TO RETURN THE FAVOR and like i said i will give said generated code back end cough). so tonight was my last offical class for my tolkien class...just the final next week. we read a story he wrote called "leaf by niggle". it was very, very different than the lord of the rings...it made me happy to know he wasn't just a great author who just wrote the lord of the rings. i mean i knew he wrote other stuff, but this story really hit me and was really good...made me realize i promised myself last november to have a novel done by this coming november...i am a horrible procrastinator...when i get motivated (like cleaning my room by friday) i get MOTIVATED...but its almost impossible to get me motivated....i need a job..i need income. honestly i have a few summer goals i intend on keeping...they are kinda personal cause i don't want everyone knowing i want to lose my stomach and such (oops) but whatever. ask if you care cause i know you won't ask. i think my next journal is going to be alot more private. who knows. anyway, "leaf by niggle" really inspired me...i don't want to become just another pile of unfinished crap. kind of scary tho because alot of the things i have talked about in this journal and thought about were themes in that story.

and do you think i would write an entry without mentioning the mtv icon: metallica??? NO. i thought the band biography was very kick ass, the guest appearances were really coool...the performances...well...sum 41 did a good job, staind was very awesome, avril...well..i fast forwarded that...and snoop...well he should stick to rapping. korn kicked ass totally, limp wasn't bad..hard song to cover but they did good for what it was. then of course metallica rocked the stage. playing a medley of tunes from throughout their career and then they played "frantic" one of the new tunes from the new cd. well..damn mtv didn't show all of it cause of the credits but GOD that song FUCKING ROCKED. i can't wait for that cd. damn glad my bro and wonderfully lovely girlfriend (by the way my nose still hurts) taped it. well i have more to write...but i think i will just keep it to myself...why let just anyone pry into my mind, right? oh and for those who watched the mtv icon, did you find it kind of scary that as they were talking about jason leaving they played the song and showed lyrics to "i dissapear" and that was the last song he recorded with them?? i mean if you look at their past with him and him leaving that song is really ironic and really freaky...it almost predicted the event.....weird.

a poem

2003-05-06T01:23:47Z

"the pleasant shade of gray"

nothing it seems is black or white
or even wrong or right
i am not sure what to say
my mood about this changes everyday
its hard for me to distinguish
a loaf from a fish
i stare at the sky's shade of blue
now painted black but what can i do?
everything is complicated now
its a maze and i can't find my way out
so i sit here and take everything in
i blend in and realize i will never win
the black confronts the white
both forces fight with all their might
i give in to what they say
becoming the pleasant shade of gray.

-get what you want out of it.-

solemnsquall @ 2003-05-05T18:58:00

2003-05-06T00:07:30Z

i saw gross pointe blank today on tv....for some odd reason i related to that movie a little too much i think. but..i'm not a loner. i don't want to be a loner. i'm not a loner. i was...but thats not who i am anymore...thats not who i was when i created this...its time for a change, i am no longer solemnsquall..i haven't been solemn for a whole year now yet i still carry on with that dark side of my life. time to taken in a deep breath and exhale...and be happy. i have been happy for a long time..right? i dunno...i am confused...its time i end this. if anyone has a code they will let me use i would greatly appreciate it and after 10 days when i get one i will gladly give it back to them....hint hint..(people send me a code puh-wease!!) but yeah...its time for a change..its time for something new...its time for me to end this...i won't delete this one because it has alot of memories and stuff i have written in here that i like. but its time for me to say goodbye...any new name suggestions of if you have a code please comment. i will add all my old friends on the new one, add back if you would like.
.
..
...what i used to think was me was just a fading memory
i looked myself right in the eye and said goodbye
i was down in it
now i'm up above it

solemnsquall @ 2003-05-03T12:58:00

2003-05-03T17:58:29Z

so yeah can anyone explain to me what happens in the movie american psycho?? cause it didn't make a whole heck of alot of sense to me....sorry to cross post

malcontent

2003-05-02T04:35:07Z

XXXXXX: we have definately gone seperate ways
XXXXXX: but i know you are happy, i can tell by the way you look when i see you and remember how hard it always was for you and how depressed you always were and im just really happy for you
XXXXXX: you deserve that happiness
XXXXXX: even though sometimes you are just horny, caleb you are a very good person, one of the best people i have ever met in my life, dont ever, ever forget that

...its hard seeing people you have known for so many years fall apart and lose it...its hard watching those people destroy themselves and be so down and realize you can't do anything about it....its times like those..when there is nothing you can do or say..when you are powerless, when you can't help those who you want to help...those are the worst times for me....

solemnsquall @ 2003-05-01T18:06:00

2003-05-01T23:12:34Z

if humans are warm blooded creatures then my blood is boiling....oh i am so fuckin pissed...i wish this fucker was right in front of me right now i'd tear his fuckin face off and make him eat his own shit for a week....

i am so fuckin pissed

save us all the trouble and just go fuckin play in traffic..let me know where too i will be sure to floor it when i drive by.

-you better leave some room for my fist cause i am about to ram it down your throat-

solemnsquall @ 2003-05-01T13:37:00

2003-05-01T18:39:06Z

we gave our presentation today in philosophy. pornography, swearing, seducing remarks and erections...yep, couldn't have done it without all those wonderful walt disney movies.

it was on philosophy in the mass media and i chose to do it on movies. boy you'd be surprised at all the stuff in all the disney movies...

armeggeddon

2003-05-01T05:14:32Z

if the world ends on friday around 10:50 a.m. its not me or billy scotts fault....seriously its not!

starfuckers

2003-05-01T03:35:12Z

blind voices
ill choices
blind ambitions
ignored revelations
ignoring the truth
is the best way to sooth
the pain that has become your life.
why don't you
take the blind fold off
and open your eyes once again
or would you rather dwell
in this misery, this sweet hell
someone once said
ignorance is bliss
but a dream given thats not earned
might as well already be dead
brown nosers and ass kissers
make you feel larger than life
but when one comment of reality
becomes a possibility
you run and hide like a baby
afraid to realize that maybe
maybe its all for show
and they don't really care
maybe yes maybe no
but you and i both know
they just want to fit in with you
that much is true.

solemnsquall @ 2003-04-30T20:39:00

2003-05-01T01:41:59Z

i dunno why but i have felt kind of distant from my family this week...well just my parents. monday/tuesday/wednesday...i dunno its odd. I haven't been around them too much and i haven't wanted to be around them. anytime i am it seems its just to get on my case about stuff and thats it...meh...

solemnsquall @ 2003-04-30T15:15:00

2003-04-30T20:15:28Z

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

solemnsquall @ 2003-04-30T14:51:00

2003-04-30T19:51:58Z

hey does anyone have the sims for pc?? let me know...seriously.

doorknob

2003-04-28T04:15:16Z

wow. two great songs in two days. the first was the something corporate tune "punk rock princess" piano version ..very good tune and before that song i hated SC cause i thought the guy sounded like a girl but this is a good tune. The 2nd is "Minerva" by the deftones. seriously download it or check it out..its killer.

it hits me every now and then. just a thought. I don't share it with anyone and i don't have any reason to share it. its one of those observations about life...and about people. everyone is always worth something...from the fat kid who eats all the popcorn in a movie theater, the ghetto boy on a scooter, the little girl who keeps turning around and making funny faces, and even those who have fart contests...silly and odd but those people are worth something and mean something. how? because to someone else they mean something. there is a mother, a brother, a father, a sister, daughter, son, a friend, a lover, a boyfriend, girlfriend, neighbor, somewhere there is someone that cares for them..and that makes them special and worth something. if someone takes time out of their way to think of you, see you, talk to you...whatever it may be...then that in itself is showing you your worth. i pity those who choose to be alone...because even then people still think about them and they surely they think about others and all of the lost conversations that will never be held..the smiles that will never be seen, the laughter that will never echo and the warmth from a hug that will never be felt. i am not sure why i wanted to be like that at one point in my life and i may never know except for the time period where everything is going wrong. but everything can always go wrong. you can always fight with your mom, you can always dissapoint someone, stand someone up, forget to call someone, ignore someone, whatever...these things that we make out to be worse than they are we often forget how worse things can actually be. yes others have it worse, but for us..this is the worst it could be, right? of course thats a natural reaction to the "why are you whining, others in ____ have it alot worse than you" and other such comments. nuts to that sort of thinking. it just gets me how people want to kill themselves and think their life is shit and its over, and blah blah blah..usually its people who are very well taken care of and take what they have for granted..suicide has been no stranger in my life ever since my early teen years because people didn't think they were of worth to anyone, 4...i have lost 4 wonderful people...look at your life when its going bad next time it does go bad and realize IT COULD BE ALOT WORSE...its easy to do cause it takes energy and time to make things better and think positive cause when your emo you don't want to do that (i know i have been there) oh well....enough of that rambling, i applaud jamye in her little post about what her friends mean to her..very cool....anyway, my bro informed me that the chevelle/disturbed concert was really good tonight and it rocked alot. i guess if you look at the cover of their new cd (you can easily find it online) that their symbol the big design is like a bunch of relious symbols all put together, the cross, star of david, islamic symbol, etc. etc. which i thought was pretty cool...never noticed it or what it was until now.

well i am going to bed
good night everyone
sweet dreams orfnan

10......9........8.......7.......6.......5........4.......3.......2......1

2003-04-26T05:53:39Z

saw identity tonight. great, great movie. very psychological. great acting, plot, story and beautifully written. one of the best movies i have seen in a while...you know when i stop to think about it i have seen some really good movies lately. I saw a chick flick last week that turned out to be very good as well but go see identity. if not for any other reason than to see the wonderful John Cusack acting at one of his best. its been compared to the ring but i believe as far as story and a movie in general this blows the ring out of the water

when the hell is guy pearce coming out with a new kick ass movie..

for the geek in me...worth a laugh...
http://www.ooblick.com/text/tomordor/

solemnsquall @ 2003-04-21T21:22:00

2003-04-22T02:25:06Z

i read the news today
more bullshit with every turn of the page
how long has the world been like this?
or has it always been this way
and i am just now opening my eyes to it all??

bullshit
bullshit
bullshit
every word i hear is a lie
but you don't care
because a lie is all you are anyway

solemnsquall @ 2003-04-20T01:26:00

2003-04-20T06:29:13Z

its good sometimes to be pleasantly surprised.
to check your ego at the door
swallow your pride
and forget who you are
to follow and see where you go
in case of today, i was pleasantly surprised.

if anyone is wondering the reason people celebrate easter is because it was the day christ rose from the dead. sure some people think thats a no brainer but i think just as many people who say that there are who think its about bunnies and candy.

fyi: jesus died on the same day he was concieved, march 25th.

solemnsquall @ 2003-04-19T00:57:00

2003-04-19T06:08:54Z

you, walk on by
whisper in my ear
i stop and smile
it all seems so clear

you, stare away
drift off for a while
i start to say..
but i just stop and smile

words can't begin
to describe everything in my soul
you washed away my shame, my sin
and filled up this empty hole
just because it may not be touched,
doesn't mean i can't feel
because i know its real.

so i lay me down to rest
right beside the best
and with the last of my might
i whisper goodnight.

this pisses me off

2003-04-18T17:01:03Z

if i have ever imed you lately and said crap to you or whatever let me know...cause someone got into my yahoo account, changed my password, i got it back but a bunch of crap was deleted and i got a virus on it, my yahoo messenger was like that too so let me know about AIM

this sucks.

breakfast at tiffanys does not live up to the hype

2003-04-18T05:30:30Z

its been stuck in my head but i can just remember the first 6 chords...

After all the jacks are in their boxes,
and the clowns have all gone to bed,
you can hear happiness staggering on down the street,
footprints dress in red.

A broom is drearily sweeping
up the broken pieces of yesterday's life.
Somewhere a Queen is weeping,
somewhere a King has no wife.

The traffic lights they turn blue tomorrow
And shine their emptiness down on my bed,
The tiny island sags downstream
'Cos the life that they lived is dead.

Will the wind ever remember
The names it has blown in the past,
And with this crutch, its old age and its wisdom
It whispers, "No, this will be the last."

And The Wind Cries Mary.

I don't know what to say
except for to know how much
i've wanted this
when i hold you, when i touch you
when i whisper in your ear
i wrote these words on your back
would it be wrong
for me to say this
well i don't care
cause i love you.

No rains could weep as I have wept to know a friendship will not be kept...

2003-04-17T05:52:10Z

When the warmth of the day
becomes the night
Who could sleep
beneath a strange moonlight?
No guiding star
So far from home

so many memories
so many great times together
the laughter has all blown away
like dust in the wind...

happiness, hope
and warm thoughts fill my head
but cold shoulders
leave me left for dead.

Walked the way of promise
to find my place
the voice of the winds
brings nothing more
Than low echoes

No rains could weep as I have wept
To know a simple friendship will not be kept
I feel like a child
So far from home

i just wish i could have gotten a good bye
some sign to know its all truly over
i guess in the end, all things must die
I've lost more than a friend, i've lost a brother.

One by one the sky falls
I may not awaken
so far from my home
I may not awaken

parents

2003-04-16T06:02:50Z

when i was little i was told you are 25% your mom, 25% your dad and 50% yourself. tonight that all changed. in some ways i am like my father...in many ways i am like my mother. in every way i am like myself. My father...whats to say really...i've always felt the day i gave up sports, the last one being basketball i ultimately let him down. He was very very good..in the papers, played colleges and had the chance to be pro...for those gifts i am blessed..if i inherited other, less deeming qualities i would be cursed. I found something in myself tonight...a reason why it is i connect so well with a certain book series i always talk about. the hero must overcome what his ancestors could not. he must be the bigger man..even if his father failed, and his father before that, etc. etc. I too am a product of my father..but i am not him, and i won't be what he is. My mother isn't perfect but what has happened to her throughout her whole life is just not right. the words fair and just don't exist. she has fought continuely, always struggling...i don't give her as much credit as she deserves at times. sometimes i just see my father as a lifeless nothing that sits in the living room or sleeps and my mom was a lifeless nothing who listens to her music, writes or just thinks..If she smiles its just to show a smile..there isn't any feeling behind it..i know my parents aren't lifeless nothings...but life is so much differet now. as i grow and get older the future becomes more and more important. Like all families there have been times of love and some times where love doesn't seem to be present. you know the old saying when you are a parent you won't do this, or you won't say that and then you do and you will say "oh my gosh i have become my father/mother??" I won't have the pain in saying that, and i say pain becuase i know i will never do what my father has done to my mother...how people can be so cruel to one another goes beyond me...especially to those who they love?? all i know is i am myself. i am not my father or my mother..i may say and act the way they do at times but i am not them nor will i ever be. i am me. i'll never understand my parents but thats ok, they will never understand me....